Heres 2 version of a vaguely Hallowe’en themed double whammy (thanks to Big Stuff for the inspiration). I expect literally hundreds of the wee grubbers round here tomorrow night, with their rubbish jokes and shop-bought costumes (there’ll be no one-man bands, I can guarantee you that), rattling my letterbox just as The One Show kicks off. Hang some of that junk to your wall and it’s an open invitation to all and sundry. An inflatable bat here, a plastic pumpkin there. I’ve just spent the last couple of hours in classic grumpy old man fashion, hanging cheap orange and black Poundland tat from the outside walls of my garage and front door. Not that I’m scarred for life or anything. “ Can I not just be a skeleton next year Dad?”

Then I’d shamble off to the next house sounding like the Eastenders theme falling down the stairs. “ Who…what….are you meant to be?” they’d always ask and I’d mumble the answer while stuffing monkey nuts into a poly bag already full of monkey nuts. Oh, and a couple of bells strapped round my ankles for added effect. I think it dates back to the times when I was a wee boy and I was sent out every year as a one-man band – my Dad’s old guitar (it was old then, it’s ancient now), a coathanger fashioned into a half-arsed harmonica harness, two cardboard cymbals between the knees and a massive big bass drum hanging off my skinny shoulders right down to my backside. There’s only one thing good about Hallowe’en and that’s tablet.

Ronnie spector siren rar files